The lost art of sleeping

I used to sleep. Even after I had kids, I slept most of the night through, waking maybe once. My husband once asked me how much sleep I needed a night, and I said "until 8". And I slept, peacefully, until 8:00, every morning. And woe to those who woke me up!

And then... 40 happened. I know from a lot of my post-40 friends that this isn't unique to me. Probably the single biggest aging complaint I've seen is about sleeping. We just can't do it! Sometimes I can't fall asleep because, even though I couldn't keep my eyes open 10 minutes earlier, the minute I turn off the light my mind starts racing. Sometimes I fall asleep in minutes, but wake up in the middle of the night with my mind racing. Here lately, I am sleeping just fine, thank you very much, when I get a hot flash. Or ten. (And it's not just women... My husband wakes up at 3:45 and can't go back to sleep for an hour or two most nights.)

I don't know about you, but I get darned cranky when I have a few nights in a row with broken sleep. I really need 8 1/2  to 9 hours a night, every night, to have energy and a clear mind (well, take that with a grain of salt...). When I'm up 2 or 3 - or, like last night, 7 or 8 - times a night and get no real deep sleep, I'm less than a joy to be around. And then I become like a senior citizen, moping around telling everyone about my bad night's sleep, my insomnia, my *stupid* hot flashes. I'm sure that's scintillating conversation for my 15 year old son...

Remember when you were young and could sleep, anywhere?

Over the years I've tried everything. Ambien will definitely knock you out, but I only get about 5-6 hours sleep with it, and then I go back to the broken pattern, and I don't like that groggy feeling, so my experiment with that didn't last long. Benadryl or Nyquil will work when you're desperate, but who wants to take medicine you don't actually need, just to sleep? (OK, me, sometimes... but not as a general rule!) Melatonin works when I can't GO to sleep, but doesn't do much for the waking in the middle of the night. The only thing I've found that works like a charm, and only for 1 night, is jet lag. Seriously. If you stay awake for 47 hours, you get one amazing night of sleep!

This is my son with jet lag... Oh to be young!

What about you? Have you found anything that works, or are all of us over-40s walking around like zombies? Does it get better? I know my 98 year old grandmother sleeps like the proverbial log... Do we have to wait for our 80s for that to happen?!

Closing in on 47...

I'll be 47 in a few months, and while I don't mind the number, there are certainly things about this lovely "middle age" that I could live without. (Guys, this isn't for you, although you might want to get your wife.)

* Unpredictability. Gone are the days of wondering if too many days since the last "recent unpleasantness" means pregnancy. Also gone are the days of having some clue, either by a calendar or PMS, when the next "recent unpleasantness" will appear. 21 days? Check. 37 days? Check. PMS-like symptoms not connected to anything whatsoever? Check check check.

* The heat of the night. I was standing at the deli counter at Harris Teeter yesterday, waiting on my roast beef, when the lady next to me mumbled something. The meat slicing seemed pretty slow, so I thought she was complaining about it, and said, "Excuse me?" She said, "Oh my gosh, these hot flashes are killing me!" Her entire face was pouring sweat and turning red. "They put me on hormones but they aren't working yet!" She wiped her brow with a handkerchief. Poor thing! I don't have this problem yet, but some nights I go from freezing cold to HOT in the blink of an eye. It doesn't last long, but it wakes me up,  and I have to take all the covers off, and then, when it passes, I have to pull them all back on. It's really annoying. Just sayin'.

* Slogging through the day. Some of this is winter, I realize. I have struggled through every winter since I moved to NC. And days like today, with gloomy cold rain are the worst. But in general, my energy level is way below what it used to be. Not that I was ever a dynamo... I've always been laid back. But some days it's like trying to walk through chest-deep molasses, and I haven't found a lot - yet - to help. Except the 3 days I was on a Prednisone taper's full dose and felt GREAT. But I don't think staying on Prednisone is the answer...

* The weight goes where?? Until I was post-45, if I gained weight, it went in predictable locations. Backside, hips, belly. I stayed about the same weight for a long time, but that winter-5 would sneak up on me from time to time. Now it goes to really weird places like the back of midsection. What?? It's a backwards muffin top! Not attractive.

* My feet don't work. I have had plantar fasciitis since May. I have gone to the doctor 3 times, have $450 custom orthotic inserts, wear unexciting shoes, don't walk too much... In general, all the things I'm supposed to do. My right foot is mostly ok unless I do a lot of walking or Zumba or something, but my right foot got about 60-70% better and quit. So most mornings I hobble around, any exercise hurts it, and I feel much more limited, not to mention have a very hard time getting any exercise. I started PT today (my tendons are "ridiculously tight" in my feet, according to the therapist...wonderful...). I'm hopeful. But it makes me annoyed, nonetheless.

On the other hand, there are a lot of great things in my life, and they very much eclipse all this. It's just... distracting. When I want to be working on my book edit, or painting, or taking a walk on the occasional lovely winter day, sometimes I just can't. I'm tired, my feet hurt, and my brain is a little... fuzzy.

So one of my main goals in 2012 is to get all this figured out. I know that a minimum of 20 min a day of exercise can help my energy level, so the foot issue has to come first. I'm going to work my way through some alternative medicines to see if I can help the irregularity and night flashes. I'm doing my post-holiday and vacation get-back-to-normal-eating program and using Sensa to help me account for my slower metabolism. We'll see how it goes - I'll let you know!

How about you? How's the over-40 era treating you?

Happy New Year to you!

What happened?!  I feel like I should be saying, "Let's ring in 2011!" But nope, it's another year gone. There were, as always, good and bad things, but somehow, when you stand on the eve (of the eve) of the new year, the good shines through. At least it should - dwelling on the negative isn't a great way to enter and embrace all the new opportunity a new year brings.

I've talked about new years and new beginnings before, and obviously it's a somewhat artificial construct in our linear way of seeing time. But however we got to it, and whatever you think about resolutions and diets and exercise and all that, it really is a time when you can start anew. A little rebirth, given to you every year, so you can evaluate and change and redirect if necessary. Sometimes life just takes hold and we start veering off onto paths unintended. No worries - you have the perfect time for a course correction this weekend!

Do you do "resolutions?" I don't. Not really. I do tweak things in my life. I do try to reestablish anything that got swept away by things like NaNoWriMo or the holidays or illness or life. I look at the things I am doing and decide if they're working. I look at the things I'm not doing, and decide if I need to start them. As an introspective person by nature, I find all this really cathartic.

But what if you're an extrovert and not at all introspective? Well... You should still do it. It's just harder. I find that extroverts are often telling those of us who are introverts that we should get out and do things with people... So think of this as getting in and doing things with yourself.

Spend some time being quiet, or journaling, or just gazing out at the lovely blue winter sky. You can celebrate tomorrow night. For today and tomorrow, just be still for a bit. Be quiet. Listen. Look back. Look forward. Ask God what He thinks. (He'll tell you, you know!)

Happy New Year! I hope you all have the best year of your lives in 2012.

Your Second Act (over 40)

I have been *sort of* reading a book called Staging Your Comeback: A Complete Beauty Revival for Women over 45 by Christopher Hitchens. Apparently he's been on Oprah and other shows, which I've never seen, but I read a quote by him last week that struck me as interesting, so I downloaded it for my Kindle.

There are some interesting questions that the whole concept of "your second act" in life brings up, and a lot of (I think) truisms that we women (and probably men, but that wouldn't be 'we men'!) struggle with as we get in our 40s, our kids get older, gravity takes effect... These are just some of my thoughts.

As much as we may feel like we're in our twenties and thirties, we aren't. Seems obvious, I know, but I don't think it really is. I feel, inside, much the same as I've always felt. I feel wiser, more mature, ever so slightly more patient while at the same time less patient with stupidity. But my body isn't 25.

My feet hurt most every morning because of my planters fasciitis (so I can't wear these shoes all that often!).
My lifelong back issues are still there but I seem to have less ability to ignore it and forge ahead with my day if it's hurting.
I get tired more easily, and don't bounce back as fast.
I wake up early, usually this time of year before it's light out... and can't seem to make it past 11:00 (and that's a stretch).
My hormones are whacked out.
I am not shaped exactly like I used to be, so clothes don't look the same.
The same make up I've always worn no longer works. (Actually, I didn't used to need makeup, except in mid-winter!)

Don't get me wrong, I don't feel old. I feel great most of the time, and love my life. I think that's where the inner confusion comes - when we feel solid and secure on the inside, we don't always seem to get that our body is doing what bodies do from the minute we're born: aging.

So I've realized I have to make some mental adjustments. And some physical adjustments. I tend to be introspective anyway, and winter and the new year always lead me down the road of "reassessment." Are there things I am doing I don't need to do? Things I'm not doing that I should? Things I should be grateful for and am taking for granted? I don't beat myself up, I just use the season to do an annual inventory. Here's what I'll be doing for 2012.

Writing. For sure. I had a blast doing NaNoWriMo, am very pleased with my book so far, and have already started pulling together a plot for the next novel.

Painting. This has been on the back burner since the summer, but I'm getting back to it after the Keys trip - hopefully with some new great photos to use as material.

Baking. I love to bake. It makes me happy. So while I'll be giving a lot away, and hopefully not eating too much, I'll be baking away on my new, wonderful baking station.

Walking. My feet issues have made this a real challenge this year, but I'm getting back to it one way or the other. When I walk outside I can feel the vitamin D restoring me, and I think and pray and hum and generally have a great time. The treadmill isn't quite so interesting, but I can catch up on my movies or DVR'd shows, and I still feel a lot more energetic for doing it.

Photography. I love photography, but I'd like to know more about it from a technical standpoint. This may or may not produce any results (esp since I'm an idiot with Photoshop, which, I believe, was created in the Devil's workshop... but that's just my suspicion, unconfirmed at this point). But I will enjoy it, and that's the main thing.

There are other things I'll be doing, and things I have to do barring winning the lottery (and since I've never bought a ticket, that's fairly unlikely). But living this life as God lays it out, following the passions He puts in us, advancing the Kingdom by living in freedom... How can you beat that?

So how about you? What will 2012 bring for you? And what do you think about this Second Act thing? We're older, wiser, and still smokin' hot, right??

"We expect that..." Life over 40.

My wonderful doctor, who I have been seeing for almost 18 years now, started saying, "We expect that..." to me when I was pregnant with my son. There are a lot of weird things that happen to you when you're pregnant that not even the "What To Expect When You're Expecting" books mention (or the ancient versions around in 1992 and 1996).

Now that I'm in my *ahem* mid-forties, I hear it pretty much every year, followed by my age.

"I'm not sleeping well."
"Oh, we expect that when you're 42."

"My middle is flabby."
"Oh, we expect that when you're 45."

"I'm tired!"
"Oh, we expect that when you're 46."

Except here's the thing... we DON'T expect it!

I tease her about this every year, and she didn't realize she said it quite so consistently. It's become a bit of a joke between my husband and me now that we're in our mid-forties and *cough cough* early fifties.  So here are some other GOOD things I didn't expect:

I don't feel middle aged. I don't feel much different than I did ten or twenty years ago, actually (with the exception of the aforementioned issues). I feel much wiser. I feel much calmer. I feel... ok, only a bit, but a bit more patient.

How could you not feel calm looking at this?

I feel more willing to look stupid. Hey, I'm 46! If I want to write a crappy novel in 30 days, I have no problem doing it. If I paint a picture that's really bad, while I may tear it up for scrap paper, it's not going to convince me I'm a "bad" artist and to put up my brushes. (This has actually happened in years past.)

Good, bad, good...

I find a lot more things funny. This is because I don't take life so seriously anymore. I'm not in such a hurry anymore. Life is short, even if you live to be 100. Laugh!

There are a lot of things I don't "have" to do. You realize as you get older, and especially as your kids get older, that you've done a lot of things because you have some vague sense of "have to..." And then it begins to dawn on you that you really don't. Sure, there are still some. Until they invent paper clothes or I get a servant, I'll have to do laundry. But I don't have to serve on any committee; I don't have to go to every meeting, game or event that comes along; I don't have to be at church every time the door opens.

I can be fit and ready for whatever God has for me without killing myself in the process. OK, I admit I've only learned this one in the last year. I like to challenge myself - it's the individual sport person in me. So we did Insanity last spring, and I did TurboFire this spring. But what happened in these extreme programs? (Besides admittedly getting into good shape and losing some of that flab in the middle?) I tore a muscle in my back. I tore a tendon in my knee. I got plantars fasciitis, which has plagued me now for 6 months. And I finally (slow learner) realized... It's ok to walk. To do Zumba. To do kinder things for my body, which, while not feeling middle aged, isn't 20 anymore.

What have you learned after 40? Aren't you surprised?

I love getting older, because I can see all the areas where I have matured and gotten wiser and lived through things by the grace of God that have made me both stronger and more merciful. Age really is just a number, and even if it's 3 digits, on this earth it's going to be short. Live it! Find freedom, and walk it out.

Blessings.

PS. I also learned last night that I can make up a killer cheesecake from a weird idea. I hadn't made a cheesecake since New Years Eve 1999. So maybe I'm a cheesecake prodigy and didn't know it! How 'bout that?